Thursday, January 05, 2006


What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word "friends"? To some it's the sitcom, to some its people coming and going in and out of our lives, to some its unknown.

As we enter a new year, I look over my life and remember my friends as a child. They were fun to be around, but not trustworthy. My friends as a teenager were nice and we had a lot in common, but still not trusted. My friends as a young adult (20's) were non-existent. My friends as an adult (30's) were my family. Then I found true friends as a middle aged adult (40's).

I remember a few years ago coming to the realization that I had no life outside of being a mom. I needed something, somewhere I could be me; not mom, not ex-wife, not employee, not answerer to all problems, not any titles that I was wearing at the time. I needed someone that would let me be recharged. Somewhere I can go to when I need to cry, somewhere I can go when I am so excited I feel I am going to burst, somewhere I can go to when I am so deep in my sin and I need to be shown my sin. Somewhere I can be loved and cared for no matter what. Now some of you will say you can find this in the Lord, and this is true. But, as a woman I find that I need the relationship with other women that can understand this need.

I remember asking Crissy if she would meet with me for a bible study and she actually agreed. I know she will be surprised at this but I was shocked. You see I have never (yes I did say never) approached anyone and asked for their time before. Well, we met for awhile on Saturday mornings and Crissy began to see that this wasn't working. She asked me if I was looking for a bible study partner or more fellowship. That is when we started just meeting to fellowship and progressing into friendship. Did I open up completely at this time? Of course not. I was an expert at wearing my Christian mask. Everything was always fine on the outside, even when I felt the weight of my world on my shoulders. Eventually Kim moved back and we all started meeting together on Friday nights. Over the past several years we have seen this friendship grow to a point where we can love each other with an agape love. I seen this most through my wedding plans and actual marriage. We all did a lot of growing through this time, and I was able to see them love me even as they were pulling their hair out because of my schizophrenic psyche.

My friends
Crissy - the non confrontational, people pleaser. Had to confront bridezilla the day before my wedding and bring me back to the foundation of what we were doing and why we were even here. When I see you, I see Christ's grace and mercy.

Kim - the organizer and protector. Had to bring together the impossible with many the last minute changes from bridezilla, without physically harming her. When I see you, I see Christ's love and compassion.

Angela- We miss you so much, you should have been here to slap me down in your straightforward way you have. When I see you, I see Christ's joy.

Hope - the realist and protector. Had to clear away all the stuff and get keep me grounded. When I see you, I see Christ's truth and kindness.

I was reminded of the closeness we have when I got to see Amber during our New Year's Eve party this week. Amber and Angela will always be a part of this friendship no matter how far away they live. I miss Amber's uplifting personality and Angela's sick humor.

It was hard for me at first to have other women join us but as I reflect on the time we have together since Boo has been coming, I am glad to see younger women enjoying this friendship with us. I hope that other women see the joy in having this kind of friendship and carry it on to others (pay it forward). I know that God put Crissy in my life when I needed a friend and I thank God everyday for bringing all of my friends into my life. Each one has touched me and helped me grow. Thank you all, I love you very much.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

God Where are you?

Well here I am again I am very proud that I have actually now wtitten three blogs in one month. That is a miracle in itself. Life this past two weeks has been a major rollercoaster ride. We found some things about Anthony that is showing his sinful nature. The problem with sin is that most of the time we justify it or brush it off as "just what teenagers do". Is it wrong for me to want my son to be more than "Just a teenager"? Is it asking to much for me to require him to be more than that. He has such love, compassion and caring in his heart. I hate to see this buried under all the worldly excuses.

I hurt so much for him and all he has been through as a young child. But he is a young man now and he's wanting to be independent and make his own decisions and choices. How do I get through this exterior wall of steel to his heart.

I wonder if the people he is around is influencing him in their worldly lifestyle? But, then are they more powerful than God? Does God not promise me if I teach him the ways of the Lord he will not depart from it? How much more pain for my child can my heart take? I see him falling further and further from God and enjoying the things of this world to much. How do I open his eyes to the truth of the world? I don't want to just stand by and wait and watch the pain and suffering he is headed towards? I am so lost right now and feel like my life is out of control. I thank God for the husband he gave me and the friends that support me through all of this. Those who listen and hurt with me. Thank you, you are what gives me strength to continue the fight for my son.

I hear my friends talk about having grace and mercy and I struggle with this as I see those I love making the wrong choices. How do I guide him with grace and mercy? All I know is to be strong and controlling. I pray for discernment and all I feel is confusion.

"How little is my faith" I think this often about myself, especially when I am having to deal with issues like I am having to right now. Why can't I believe and trust that God loves Anthony more than I and will always be with him, even when he is rolling around in the slop with the pigs of the world? Why do I have to have control and know all that is at all times? Why can't I just trust and really give this over to God? How little is my God or better yet how little do I see my God? I have to remind myself daily that God is in COMPLETE CONTROL ALWAYS. I find myself asking these questions daily as I remember where he pulled me from, as I remember Him with me, protecting me from my own stupidity.

How do I impart my wisdom I have achieved over a lifetime of mistakes to my son? How do I continue living with the pain of watching my son make some of the same mistakes and knowing the pain and heartache he will endure because of these decisions? Why did God trust me with such a beautiful child, when I can't figure out how to lead him down the right path? One day I will have these answers, and I know my child will be standing with me at the feet of God when this day comes. I must always remember the fact that Anthony is God's child first and he will fail, but he will always be God's child.

NOTE: Child Custody Case: We had the kids this weekend and as usual they all needed baths and oral hygiene. We had a really good weekend though, Saturday we had to go to Jemison to pick them up since the witches car was supposed to be broken down (according to the kids their grandfather fixed it Friday night, just another lie from the witch). When we got there the kids were outside playing in short sleeve shirts and it was cold outside. David told them to get their jackets before they get sick. We celebrated Kyle & Lee's birthday (oldest boy) at Bob and Tammy's house. Lee got some money from the family and he shared it with his brothers and sister. I thought this was exceptional for a 14 year old to think of.

Sunday when we took them back to Jemison I made a mistake and forgot the checkbook. David explained this to the witch and told her that we would send it to her in the morning. She got mad and told the kids that she was going to put their dad in jail for not paying child support. Bryanna came running out to the truck crying. She hugged her dad and said "Daddy, I don't want you to go to jail". David asked her what she was talking about and she told him "mommy said that she was going to call the cops on you and have you put in jail". David looked at the witch and asked her "how could you say something like that to the kids and upset them". He told her not to do it again. We got the paper with her address on it and left. Five minutes later down the road we were stopping for gas and I got out the debit card to pay for it. The gas station didn't take debit or credit cards. I asked David if there was a Compass Bank close by, so we could get money out and pay cash for the gas. It then hit me that we could get cash out of the bank and pay the witch. So we went back to Jemison and got the money from the bank and dropped it off. Bryanna was relieved and all the kids were happy.

Tuesday night David got a call from Bryanna, she told him it hurt when she went to the bathroom. The witch told David that her car was not working and he needed to take Bryanna to the doctors. Since David doesn't have any personal time yet at work. I told him I would pick Bryanna up at school and take her to the doctors. He called the witch and told her this and she said that if she couldn't go then Bryanna would not go. David told her that it wasn't a good idea for her to go with us. But we would make sure that Bryanna got to the doctors and got her medicine. She said "I am her mother and if I can't go then Bryanna can just stay home".

David got a call this morning from the school and was told that they have tried everyone on the list again and everyone refused to come get Clint. His mouth is infected again. When the witch was called by the principal she told her that she was sleeping and didn't want to come to the school. The school called David and he told them that he was in North Alabama but would be there within two hours to get the kids and he would make sure they got to the doctors. The pricipal called back and told him that the witch was on her way to get the kids, but that they had called DHR on her for her unwillingness to take care of the kids. When she got to the school she was told that a report had been filed with DHR and she needed to bring proof that the kids had infact seen the doctor. The principal also told David while she was on the phone with him that his attorney could subpeona the documents from the school and DHR, but they could not release them to him because he does not have custody.

David is really concerned that she will hurt the kids or just give them up to the state and he will not see them again. I told him that if she did hurt them or turn them over to the state that they would be asked if they had any relatives that they could stay with and the kids are old enough to tell them David's name and phone number. But, I did tell him to have the school nurse check the kids for abuse periodically; to ensure their safety.

I need to find a good child custody lawyer in the state of Alabama to help us with this and the funds to fight this abuse his kids are enduring. We can't stand to sit helplessly by and see this happen anymore. I think we have enough documentation to start fighting for this cause.

All that read this please pray for the truth to come to light and the funds to be available for this fight we are about to embark on.

Love all of you

Monday, October 10, 2005

A mother's love?

We had all the kids this weekend. Oh what a mad house! Five kids, a dog/horse, a cat and a husband all in a two bedroom one bath house. I am surprised the cops weren't called due to the noise levels. We did get a relief when we helped Tammy redo her diningroom as a surprise for Bob this weekend. It gave the kids some space to run and play in the woods. It also gave David some fun time to work with his hands and Tammy and I got to sit and visit (and critique Davids work). We didn't get much done at our house this weekend, obviously. But we are planning on installing my patio doors this coming weekend in our bedroom.

Note to self: Documentation on Child Custody Case: This week (Wednesday) David received a call from Clint's school that he needed to be picked up and taken to a dentist and they couldn't get ahold of anyone else on the list. Apparently, Cherry has David listed last after her family and ex-boyfriends. This really hurt David, but after he picked Clint up and had me make arrangements to take him to our dentist. Cherry called and demanded that David bring Clint back, stating that she had custody of the kids and he had no right to pick him up. After David told her that he was taking Clint to the dentist. She got worried, she told him that if he did that she would get introuble for fraud. She has listed the kids on all kids and they can not be insured to have all kids. Since, she threatened him the law he returned and told her that he better go to the dentist. Clint was very upset about being taken back to his mother, he told us that he was going to get beat for calling his dad. David made sure that Cherry knew if he found any reason this weekend to prove the boy had been beat we would involve the DHR. Fortunately, she did not touch him. She did say she took him to the dentist and he needs to have a root canal. She was supposed to get him on Keflex for ten days and then bring him back for the root canal. She told David that she would bring the prescription for him to fill this Saturday. Saturday morning she told us she forgot it. As of Sunday night, when we returned the kids she still had not gotten his medicine. He had to leave during church Sunday because his jaw was swollen and hurting him. David took him to the store and got some over the counter medicine to help with the pain and fever. We are really worried about this infection doing some serious damage.

Sunday night when we returned the kids. I tried to explain how important it was for him to have the Keflex. She told me that she knew what could happen. That when Lee was young they had to take him to the dentist for a similar situation and they ended up having to take him to the emergency room because the infection had gotten so bad, that they were afraid it would get to his brain and kill him. My question is if you know this could happen then why let another child go without his medicine for at least five days. When the dentist tells you he has an infection and needs to be on the antibiotic for ten days before he will perform the surgery? Is this what a mother does for her children, I call this neglect not love.

Saturday morning when we picked the kids up they had not had a bath nor had they brushed their teeth. David looked at me while driving home and asked do you smell something. I didn't want to hurt his or their feelings so I just shrugged (the smell was turning my stomach). He asked them when they last took a bath or brushed their teeth. Lee said he forgot to take a bath yesterday, the little ones couldn't say when they did and none of them had brushed their teeth. Even when we got home and had them go take a bath and brush their teeth, they still had bad breath. I am afraid that they all have gingivitis. I watched them and taught them how to properly brush and floss their teeth. Even after doing a thorough job of brushing they had bad breath. They all need to see a dentist and have their teeth cleaned and get on a proper program.

Well as you can tell I am using this as a journal for us to use and to what is happening with the kids.

Friday, October 07, 2005

My First Blog

Where to start, I have finally found and am enjoying the perfect man for me. After all the horror I have been through it is hard to just accept the goodness in him. I find myself watching and waiting for the beast to arise out of him as has happened to me in the past. But, God keeps showing me love, kindness, mercy and a servants heart everytime I look at my new husband. I have a hard time believing that God blessed me with such a great man.

We had the perfect wedding and honeymoon. We spent a week together in a beautiful cabin in the woods of Gatlinburg. The cabin was so perfect that we have discussed making our master bedroom (when we build our house) a replica of the cabin.

After two months of marriage I think we are finally settling down into a family routine. Not to say there aren't struggles, but to have David next to me on his knees praying with me and reminding me that God loves me and has not forgotten me makes any struggles seem insignificant. His calm spirit has helped both Anthony and I in how we address others.

Anthony, has a job (YEAH!) and he loves it. He is working hard at school and at work, they are very impressed with his work habits. I see him maturing more and more everyday. The impact David has had on Anthony is amazing. Anthony would say no, but he has turned a corner in his life since David has come into it

David is still struggling with his obsession with trains (poor man). But we are working on it, trying to keep him busy with other things....... like building bird houses (Angela get your mind out of the gutter). All of this does seem to help ease his mind when he gets to thinking about his kids. They are on our minds and hearts alot and pray that God would enable us to take care of them full time or that their mother would turn a corner in her life and see what true blessings she has and raise them as such.

Well that's about all for now. I probably will not be as dedicated as Crissy on posting blogs but I do hope to keep it up as a journal of our new life.

Love ya'll